A day that didn’t happen

There was an old commercial line that said “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t” and I don’t remember what the product was. Today I didn’t feel like a nut. Today I don’t think I felt. This was a wet noodle day of gigantic proportions. I didn’t want to get up or eat or nothing. But I did get up finally and managed to eat some cereal in the mid morning. Then I changed beds and went to the guest room so Domino could watch dog out the window while I snoozed to the TV’s drone. We emerged in the evening and I ate some tomato soup and a little casserole. It seemed like too much effort.

There is no sense in fighting a wet noodle day. I’ve learned to go with the flow and the flow is a slow drizzle. Tomorrow might be better or just a repeat. I know Domino is up to the challenge of sleeping one more day; however I’m more easily bored.

So much for the good ole days

It was back to the infusion clinic today for the liter of fluids and a Neulasta shot. I had a rough time last night from midnight to 4 am with nausea regurgitations and gagging worse than any before. At this point I had a pretty good formula for handling the nausea with an arsenal of drugs and OTC approved remedies. The results were marginal last night. So I asked the oncology nurse about what I can do at this point. Well, there is good news and bad news. The chemo drugs are accumulative in the system which means [the good news] more cancer cells are being killed plus [the bad news] the side effects get more intense and harder to manage. So what’s a victim to do?

Today was bland food and ice cream. Tonight’s drug cocktail will increase the frequency of the Zofram and Nexium along with the usual doses of the other pills for nausea. The bone pain is just beginning to hit so more Tylenol.  No wonder I need to drink so much water…that’s needed to wash down all these pills!!! Let’s hope for a better night tonight.

The fatigue is hitting sooner this round also. I even slept a little in the clinic this afternoon and I haven’t done that before. Then when we got home my sleeper helper and I racked out on the couch for almost 2 hrs. I had planned to stay awake so I’d sleep tonight, but sometimes naps just happen. This is a good TV night for me…2 NCIS shows and The Good Wife. Hopefully Jon Stewart will keep me awake and I can start Leno and/or Letterman. I like Leno’s monologue and Letterman’s interviews. If I can’t sleep after that it’s back to listening to NPR/BBC until I pass out!!!

The side effects of this round of chemo are hitting early and hard. In the good ole days [post chemo weeks 2 and 3] I could stand up to take a shower. Wonder if I can do that tomorrow? Sometimes I forget to give thanks for the little good things in life until I don’t have them. One good thing is that I have a shower with a seat area; another good thing is that using it was optional until cancer and chemo.

Ideas to help your friends; chemo 4 is a done-deal

As I got ready to go to chemo infusion today I thought I would share with you some things that seem to make the long afternoons go by faster and easier. You or one of your friends may face this pilgrimage some day and you might find some ideas here. My friend Joan shared a DVD player and some movies with me. Katherine bought some “Scrubs” DVDs which are short and pure nonsense for bad times and short attention spans. Carolyn brought some movies as well. This clinic is wi-fi enabled so many people have iPads and laptops along. Having ones own blanket is nice because the clinic blankets shed like crazy. The clinic provides water, juices, coffee. The people who can eat while getting chemo bring snacks. I can’t eat. [And it is impolite to bring in “smelly” food in the infusion room so once in a while someone has to be asked to put away leftover ethnic foods]. And one needs reading material. I take a couple of magazines and a book. This amount of “stuff” was too much for me to carry in the beginning so I used my tiny rolling airplane tote. Today I had my winter coat for cover and was planning on napping. So I took magazines and a book and a pink breast cancer mug my friend Kay A sent me…all tucked in a wine tote from Kroger! It has six pockets and was perfect for the task!!

Officially I am 2/3 done with chemo as of today!!! So the hard part for now is to get through this next 1½ weeks of fatigue and gagging and sleeplessness. Hopefully these will be the biggest problems because I have learned to live with these issues. My blood values were up this week. The white count was perfect and the red count was “in range.” I had doubled my B complex vitamin several weeks ago and I think it paid off. And today I had some blood pressure. Last week Dr. deleted my high blood pressure medication and today I was in the normal range for most people…though a little high for me. This is going to need careful monitoring!!!!

There is no way to know how the chemo is going to hit me during any given session. After the anti nausea med and Benadryl, the first drug I get is the red stuff that causes mouth sores and goes in IV push. It hurts from the point that it hits the end of the port tube all the way down into and through the larger vein when it stings. Once the red is in and a flush pushes out of the port line into the vein I can relax. The next chemo drugs and ancillary drugs are easy and I don’t even feel them dripping in. Sometimes the 3+ hours go by quickly; sometimes it seems to take days. My buddy Maureen graduated from Monday chemo pod last week so I was more lonesome this week.

When I got home from chemo today I needed something to eat since I’d been drugging all afternoon. My friend MaryAnn had sent me a treat! Her daughter lives in Quitar and brought her parents packages of dates which MaryAnn shared one with me. When Katherine and I were in Morocco we had the most wonderful dates and these from Quitar rival those for sure!! So I pitted some dates, inserted pecan halves, sat these on a thin slices of Brie cheese on a flatbread crackers. And for dessert I had a couple of plain dates. O, my!! Hopefully tomorrow we can make some date oat bran muffins. Dates are more fun than candy sometimes! Thank you, Mary Ann.

So stay turned. We are beginning to see the end of the chemo tunnel. We are planning an escape from North Texas!!! How [RV or Jeep or Plane] and where is under discussion. Some of you may want to go along!!!

There’s nothing like a day in the sewing room!!!

This day got off to a s-l-o-w start. Our 4 legged alarm system was up late last night waiting for Evan to get home from playing poker. Since Evan won some money back from his friends he needed to “chill out” after he got home. So Domino was late getting to bed and late getting us up. I let him out at 8:30 into the very crispy cold air so he was happy to come back in and snuggle down into bed with us. 2 hours later we struggled out to find our coffee. I’ve learned to appreciate every hour of sleep I can get. I took sleep for granted before chemo; now I know it is a gift.

This is the end of week 3 post chemo and I’ve been enjoying it so much. Today I played in the sewing room for about 4 hours. I finished serging Katherine’s pillows and found great buttons to go on the front. Years ago, in the late 80’s in Hawaii, I went to a sewing factory closure sale and bought zillions of buttons of all kinds. I still have bins full of buttons left!!! Sometimes I wonder why I keep all that stuff. Today I found out why….who knows when I’ll need 6 large green buttons!!!  With that job finished I serged 2 pink baby blankets for our new Great Grand Daughter. I put her name on the corner. I have a pastel calico stuffed cat to send her also.

My next sewing project is going to be to make a quilted cover for my sewing machine. While I was digging around in the button bins I found sewing themed buttons and some sterling silver sewing trinkets to put on the front. If I make a cover for the new machine I really should make a cover for the machine I tote to classes; then the serger will be jealous if I don’t make it a cover. I treat all the toys equally.

REFRIGERATOR UPDATE: This ‘frig continued to have “bad breath” after a good scrubbing. I threatened it with a trip to the shredder at the dump if it didn’t LITERALLY clean up its breath with all the baking soda, ground coffee and stick ups we put in there. Little improvement was noted. So I measured it for the replacement and told it that Saturday would be my trip to Lowe’s for a new refrigerator and Sunday it would be on its way to the dump. IT WORKED…….this morning the old refrigerator does not stink!!! Tough love worked. Now I’m going to give “the talk” to my laptop…speed up or ELSE!!

Playing Catch Up

Remember the pudding caper? Julie O from Tucson had fresh puddings delivered to my doorstep in North Texas. How did she do that? She has a friend in the area that made and delivered the puddings to me. Now that is layers of friendships playing it forward!!! What fun!

Christmas is over so I can tell you what I was making for Katherine. She has 2 Russian Blue cats, Boris and Natasha. I made the cats a cashmere cat bed. It is so cute!!! I wonder if they will use it as a bed or a big hockey puck to chase across the floor. Or a sled…if a cat took a running leap, landed in the “bed” just right,  s/he could slide across the hardwood floor and crash into the wall. Those downstairs neighbors are going to love that!!!

Cashmere cat beds….why not?? My favorite fabric store closed this past summer. I’ve been shopping there since we moved to Texas the first time in 1976. It was a sad event; however I got over the sadness by buying as much of their fabric as my conscience would allow. One of my purchases was a bolt of cashmere at 90% off. I’ve made a couple of baby receiving blankets which I monogrammed. And I made Katherine a throw size blanket to use on the plane and/or at home. I was trying to monogram her throw but my chemo brain just couldn’t get it programmed perfectly so I gave the throw to her “blank.” Maybe she will bring it home someday when I get past chemo brain and I’ll pop on a monogram.

This week I am able to play in the sewing room and actually create something. I’m making 2 pillows to match the throw mentioned above. When I was in Basel in October we were walking past one of the upper high end home decorating stores and in the window were small fancy pillows for CF180 ($195+) EACH. Katherine said, “You could make that.” So I am. The pillows are just an envelope-fold style with 3 fancy buttons across the front!!! Give me a break!!!  I’m using the cashmere and serging the edge in a tiny rolled stitch. Truly, these pillows will be even nicer that the ones we saw!! Boris and Natasha will probably like the pillows better than the cat bed!

What other loose ends are there? O, the refrigerator exercise. Did I tell you that when we got the darn thing scrubbed and put back together and shoved back into the cabinet we discovered a stray glass shelf left on the counter? I don’t know where that thing goes!!! And even if I did, is it worth pulling the refrigerator out just to put the shelf in? But I digress. The big issue was/is the smell. And it is lingering as we speak/type/read…. We have new boxes of baking soda, a fresh can of coffee, a new deodorizer gizmo, all setting in there trying to suck up the smell. I told that refrigerator to get its act together ASAP or prepare for a trip to the big shredder at the dump. And then to punctuate my point I measured it for a replacement refrigerator that does not stick. Last night I found said replacement on the Lowes website so if the stick is still around on Friday or Saturday the refrigerator will be gone when Lowes delivers the replacement. Next week is a chemo week so there can be NO SMELLS in the house that week!!

I’m off to the sewing room to celebrate another day of week 3. First I want to finish the pillows while I have the serger threaded for the pillows. I found a piece of pink flannel fabric so I will make a couple of receiving blankets for our new Great Grand Daughter. Wonder if my chemo brain can program a monogram today?

Great Grand Daughter has arrived!!!

Our Grand Daughter Ann has her second baby now.  Both Ann and Kacey are doing well. Ann will get 4-6 weeks off from military duty at Ft Carson in Colorado Springs.

Kacey Ann Leshinski
Born 01/04/2011, 4:44pm (MTN)
6lbs.  14oz.
21 3/4in.

I would love to be able to go help them!!

On the local scene, Katherine is now back in Calif and will fly from SFO to FRA on Weds arriving on Thurs morning. Please let the weather hold off any more snow storms until she can get back to Basel.

I'm doing great this week. I feel almost "normal" although many of you will say that I wouldn't have a clue what "normal" is!!!

One side effect of breast cancer chemo is an aversion to smells, much like during pregnancy. No smells are allowed in the house because it may not be tolerated. Of course something has to happen to make this worse. We have been battling with the refrigerator for days. It has really bad breath. So we had to pull it out of the built in cabinet by inching it out, side to side. Finally we could get the door open enough to get all the shelves and bins out to scrub them. Sure enough there was a puddle of sludge down in the bottom, part milk, part agar, part pure toxic pollution. Said sludge had started on the top shelf and cruised down the rails from top to bottom, getting into every nook and cranny. We had to disassemble each shelf and bin to scrape the agar stuff off the rails and shelves. Then after washing, drying and re-assembling the units we got them all back in place and the food [what was left after I ditched any potentially smelly food] back in the refrigerator….except this one piece of glass shelving we found on the counter. We can’t figure out where it goes!!!! So now I need to dig out the manual that came with the ‘frig and see if we can find a place for one more glass shelf. At least it doesn’t stink like it did. Why the ‘frig decided to go negative at this time is a mystery. It is on borrowed time anyway because it has a door that cuts off the connection between its brain and the ice/water dispenser. Believe me, if that ‘frig were a car I would have traded it years ago!!!!

New Year in the slow lane

New Year in the slow lane

This is the 3^rd week post chemo infusion so I feel pretty good.  And as an added bonus I have slept through the night TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW. Believe me, this is a big deal.

Maybe I’m just “easing” into the New Year. Maybe I’m going into the New Year sideways. Whatever! I’m going forward with no particular plan beyond meeting my chemo schedule and staying healthy enough to get into radiation on time. I have no reservations in my American Airlines website. I have no hotel reservations booked. I have no sewing classes planned. Just a chemo schedule.

I was important to me to have my sister Barbara and her girls and husbands and grandson come over here for a holiday get-to-gather while Katherine was home and Carolyn and Dylan could come. I want the girls to stay connected with each other. They will need each other as time goes by. And the guys may need to be their own support group as well. It is best that they start now. Barbara brought pastries and I made the Pecan Sausage Breakfast dish that Mary Ann made for us last month. It was all very easy and meant so much to me to be able to hostess something for the kids. Will is 3 years old and just perfect. He enjoyed playing with the [antique] Fisher Price barn and school house that survived the girl’s childhoods and countless moves.   

Tomorrow will be another trip to the infusion clinic for fluids. Then it will be time to get Katherine to the airport for her flight back to SFO. I hope I can go to the airport this time. It nearly killed me to have to stay home while Evan took her to the airport in Nov. but I was too sick to ride that far. Since this is week 3 maybe I can make the airport trip this time. I wish I had a schedule for my next trip to visit her in Switzerland.